I have been through an unbelievable amount of change and suffered an endless amount of trauma over the last few years with no end in sight yet. One thing after another after another continues to plague my world and it has continued with little room to breathe in between it all. Ive had to make sense of the realizations and discoveries I have made, try to cope or deal with them to the extent possible at this point, and still be able to sort through the chaos that is yet to come, all without losing my mind or being put in jail or simply quitting. I know i have such a long way to go still but even if no one else sees it or cares, i know how much I have truly survived and i honestly believe that i even looked good doing it for the most part. I havent completely fallen apart or lost all of the screws yet and at this point, even though i feel desperation at times, hopeless and very frustrated and sad, i still can see hope and look around and be grateful for beautiful things in this often very ugly world. I am doing better than most would in my shoes. I am defenitely doing better than those people accusing me of mental instabliity and being a safety risk to my baby. I know alot of mothers and peopole in general that would be in a padded room right now singing to themselves while rocking back and forth while some nurse hands them meds in a paper cup and makes them swallow it. People love to talk shit and have their nose in my business where it has no place. The worst part is that not one of them know anything real about my life or how I live it. Not one of them could actually tell you how well im dealing with things or how in control i am or am not for that matter. Not one of them can give you a genuine reason for the claim that i am a safety risk to anyone especially my daughter. Well except maybe to them, however only for committing the crimes against us that have torn my family apart such as kidnapping my child. Even if I was to snap and let my “emotions” take over, most americans would say i was completely justified and that they would have done the same long ago. Not one of them will acknowledge the fact that my love for my kids is quite obvious and that I have more than proven myself as a fit parent who would and has gone through hell and back to protect them and be a good mommy to them. There are numerous “professional” idiots and amateuer “experts” all conspiring and aiding eachother in the destruction of what is left of my so called life. In their attempts to completely control my world and make a profit in the process, they have caused such great harm and trauma to my daughter and I that i fear we will never be able to put the pieces back the way they were again. We will be dealing with the stress and scars from these acts for years to come, but we will heal….we will survive…..we will regain the bond that has been maliciously torn apart by those claiming to be our family. We will fix the damage caused by over zealous, power hungry, greedy, government and state officials on this personal vendetta against us that has been ongoing now for a number of years. It is not a choice but a necessity. It is not a desire, but a relentless ache. It is not an option, but a demanding inevevitability. I will not allow you to be the reason i lay down and die, nor will I allow you to continue on this unconsciouable path of ill intent, wrongful acts, and intentful lies meant to tear me and my daughter apart and interfer with our bond that once was stronger, but will never fade. No matter what is done to deny us contact and come between us, our love for eachother and our bond will not be erased. It will continue to grow even when we are apart, even through all the manipulation and brainwashing and cruelty, it will only make us that much closer, that much stronger, that much more connected. They have chosen the wrong mother and child to fuck with. They have made a huge mistake in seriously underestimating my love for her and the lengths I will continue to go through to right the wrongs and get justice for all we have been forced to endure with no true justification or morality. Common sence may not be common any longer and people seem to have all but lost their minds, but I have not. Unlike what they would like everyone to believe, I am completely sane and level headed. I can think clearly, i can rationalize far better than the judge according to his orders and bias gestures. Corruption of this magnitude is bound to make any one of us a little crazy and cause even the most intelllifent people to make “bad” choices in its wake. However, they have seen no evidence, or shown no cause, for any of the claims that I am unstable or for them to be afraid of little old me. Unless of course they are frightened by jail time or being sued for every penny to their name, which i am going to do, and perhaps should scare them, probably more than it does. Cause there is no forgiveness when it comes to putting any pain or heartbreak on my child. There is no redemption for maliciously attempting to destroy a loving mother daughter relationship just for their own personal gain or financial incentive. It is not acceptable and will not be allowed to go unpunished. One way or another, I promise all those involved will pay, they will suffer consequences for their actions just as i have had to and my daughter has been forced to do though she is entirely innocent. All of them will know what its like to be thrown into the depths of hell with no promise of returning and no relief allowed to occur.