I Love You Kid

To My Son;

I love you. I just needed to say that. I am unable to express how I feel or say the important things I need to say to you directly and for that I am extremely sorry. I am sorry that I was not more demanding about being in your world and your life while you were growing. I thought the decision to let you stay where you were doing good and appeared to want to be was the right one. I still dont exactly know if it was the right thing, but I do know that it wasnt entirely wrong. You have been able to experience things and have things I would not have been able to provide to you. I have more than enough love to give you but sometimes that just isnt enough, as I found out the hard way. Letting you stay there is not the problem I realized. The problem was me. I had control over me. I could have done more to find out what was happening in school and your life, but i didnt. I just allowed my role as your mom to be taken over by my mother. There are alot of reasons for this, both known and unknown, but the bottom line is they are reasons but they do not justify my lack of action. I could have and should have made sure to play an active role in your world. I try hard to live life with no regrets……this however is one of them. I am truly sorry I havent been there as I should have been, but I was there, I still am, and I always will be. When you find out the truth about what has and is happening, I will still be here, ready to fix whatever pain and damage I have caused to our relationship or to you. I love you Devon and I am extremely proud of you, I am blessed to have such a wonderful person as my son and I am honored to know you and would love a chance to be in your life the way I should have always been, and foolishly wasnt. Please know that I fought for you same as I am and have for your sister. I would do anything to make sure the two of you were safe and happy. That feeling is the exact reason for every decision I made then. I just wanted you to have it all and made the mistake of believing I was not good enough to give it to you. I was wrong. I realize that now. I miss you and I love you with all my heart and soul. You and your sister are my EVERYTHING! And I hope to see you again real soon. Please stay safe and remember I am always here, whenever you need me or are ready, I will be right here waiting kid………

 

To the moon and back,

Mom

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